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I Am A Pyrite King

I Am A Pyrite King

@iamapyriteking

Mining fools' good since before you were born. I can either tell you who I am, or show you who I am, but on social media it's tough to do both.

26 videos

I found a chipmunk hiding under a salad spinner in my closet. Hey, why not? It's 2026...

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Hey, I've got a new song! Love Songs for Idiots, Part 1: THE GIRL FROM APARTMENT 4Q (2 minutes) A little tune sung by a guy too dumb to realize he's been given the kiss-off... Hope you enjoy it.

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BREAKING: Marvin Suggs has declined an invitation to perform at Freedom 250

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Breaking News: "We were led to believe this was a nonpartisan event. We will no longer appear at Freedom 250!"

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How about bath bombs that *actually explode*? Round black orbs with a fuse and everything, and a big warning label: DO NOT USE THIS BATH BOMB! IT IS A REAL BOMB! See who uses it anyway. Just to, I dunno, soap out the bathtub AND the gene pool at the same time...

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But... with ten, I get a discount!

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Oh yeah, perfectly fine and normal...

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I thought that was the new *Bond*. Now I'm disappointed. Unless...

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Not as unknown as the third part of the bill: I EAT YOUR SKIN I DRINK YOUR BLOOD I GOT YOUR NOSE

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For some reason, I'm hearing Bette Davis from WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE singing this...

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Takeout/delivery and cooking your own food are both wrong. Instead you should be getting healthy and saving money by taking a power pill and devouring your ghosts!

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Quote with a fictional band that is not Spinal Tap

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what I was doing during the great bluesky outage of 2026

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Pick a Bond villain from the photos you already have on your phone.

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Pick a Bond villain from the photos you already have on your phone.

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A little animation to illustrate what's really going on here...

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I wrote a little verse about this...

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When Bluesky doesn't like my posts

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City of the Living Dead

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Without stating your age, post your favorite film released the year you turned 18

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Post a character that starts with the letter Y (First or Last) YONGARY! Monster from the Deep

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Not my favorite *movie*, but among my favorite monsters:

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