It all first started when the Roomba ran over his foot on a full moon.

I don’t know if this is just because I’ve been reading him M. Night Shyamalan scripts for bedtime but I feel like every conversation with my toddler has a twist ending.

Part of being a parent is figuring out how to let your tiny frustrations out without your kid ever feeling it—or even noticing it in the first place. For example, if you can convince them you’re playing vampire, you never have to explicitly tell them they suck. #EverybodyWins

Welcome back to everybody’s favorite game show: IS IT 💩?

My child may never know what it means to be a “spoony bard,” & neither may his mother, and neither may you, but it’s from Final Fantasy IV and the point is I’m spending time with my him instead of playing video games, and as a man, I believe that entitles me to some form of medal or parade, yes?

Watch out! Born swinger coming through. (And back. And then through again. It’s honestly kinda hard to make a dramatic entrance when you’re a born swinger.)

Nobody show this to Rini. Instead, show yourself to @myqkaplan.bsky.social’s new special (also titled “Rini,” in what I can only assume is a hilarious coincidence). youtu.be/y0uf9i_z-Aw

Kid slipped on a banana speell.

Teaching my toddler the word “doppelgänger” in case his brother is born with a cat allergy and he needs a non-ableist way to say “stop copying me.”

Technically at the end of this video I sing-song’ed “back away,” but the caption auto-generated it as “taco wee,” and I gotta say, as a professional writer of silly little word combinations, this is the first time I was genuinely afraid my job could be done better by a robot.

well alright Sonia Citron

You do not go to war by having a press conference. It's on the President to show Congress and the American people that there is a real justification and endgame. Trump's done none of that. This war should end TODAY.

2/2⤵️

U.S. President Donald J. Trump arrives at China’s Great Hall of the People with Chinese President Xi Jinping for a state dinner just earlier. President Trump subsequently formally invited President Xi to the United States.

Pentagon releases second batch of declassified UAP footage, including video from Syria showing objects performing instantaneous acceleration.

While catching their breath during a ceasefire with Iran, U.S. officials face limited options for what comes next. (Members Only) Listen here: warontherocks.com/tag/the-iran...

Great to see the @FDACommissioner authorize expanded access for Daraxonrasib, a promising but still in-review chemotherapy for pancreatic cancer. As we discuss, Expanded Access for challenging to treat conditions is an important program. Good news for once!

GDOT-0913: I-575 N past RiverstonePkwy MM 20.4 (Cherokee) 🕒 12:03 AM - 12:03 AM ET (4x speed) 🌡️ 69°F | Overcast 📍: 34.258016,-84.466755

My authentic voice is my brand! Outsourcing my content nearly ruined it. Social Beat keeps me consistent and truly me. Game changer for business owners. 🔥 #SocialBeat #EntrepreneurLife #ContentStrategy #BusinessGrowth #AuthenticBrand #DigitalMarketing

🤣🤣🤣

#Maga #trump #trending #viral #fyp #congratulations #Liberals #democrats #conservatives #news #today

Lego News out of Iran.🔥 UNITED STATES OF ISRAEL 1/2

Bruce Springsteen - "Streets of Minneapolis" - Live on Stephen Colbert (3 of 3)

🧬 Mitochondrial Health for Reversing Aging and Disease www.buzzsprout.com/2405788/epis... helioxpodcast.substack.com/publish/post... 
 #longevity #antiaging #healthscience #mitochondria #wellness #biohacking #COVID19 #cellularhealth #research #prevention #MitoQ #Helox #Podcast

This pos president is not capable of dealing with running a taco stand. What the phuck did grown azz people see to ever c I te for him to run this country

Electric school buses are a critical tool in our fight against climate change. But most districts weren’t ready to make the switch due to costs and logistics, so we’re delaying the requirement 5 years in the new state budget.

Happy #Friday everyone!! 🖤💯🌞 #MyGifs

Commuting in the DMV is no joke with these gas prices… 🫩⛽️ Take Metro Bus or drop your car at the nearest Metro parking garage and take 🚇 for just $2.25 - $6.75. ICYMI ➡️ Tap.Ride.Go is now available at many Metro garages. 🚙🚗 Learn more here: www.wmata.com/pay/tap-ride...

South Korea has social cooperatives. Italy has them. Quebec has them. Why doesn't America? That simple question started this whole movement. https://youtu.be/jzsHlEjbx30 #SocialCoops #RMEOC

Internalized misogyny. Successful woman. Be loud and proud. #podcast #sisters #random #randomthings #life #journey #healing #wisdom

#HolocaustMemorialDay #Auschwitz80 "We are not safe. You have to be awake." Sound on. 🔊🔊

Israeli airstrikes struck the town of al-Baqbouq in Lebanon this morning, as the country continues to ignore the ceasefire agreement.

Wanna know why democrats took our guns and won't defend us with force 🤔. They just sent 3 billion to Isreal doing a genocide on people the same color as Latinos btw. Ice an border patrol goes and does genocide with them i bet miss goods murderer went. Here is my ai convo about it.

Нови Сад, десет месеци након урушавања настрешнице на железничкој станици.

Don’t worry. This isn’t scary at all. I’m fine. This absolutely is not my last public transmission. Why would you even say that.

You get a hug! And you get a hug! And you get a hug! Everyone gets a hug!!!

Guess the country

More clients shouldn’t mean more chaos. IntegrityCONNECT® helps you work smarter with Ask Integrity®, the AI-powered digital assistant, that will streamline your day! Get organized, serve more clients and save time! Start with Ask Integrity at bit.ly/3NTj2Kk!

Francis Maxwell: "The one thing America needs at this moment while a war is going on and affordability crisis is here is an octagon on the South Lawn — cage fight, at the White House, for Trump's birthday. Just take a second and imagine you were in a coma before 2016 and woke up to that sentence."

Es war eine Sternstunde im Landtag: Alle demokratischen Fraktionen haben sich klar an die Seite von betroffenen Frauen gestellt, auch mal für Abgeordnete aus dem anderen Lager applaudiert und es trotzdem geschafft, bei bestimmten Punkten Akzente zu setzen und Kritik anzubringen.

Welcome to England, where even the clouds are guilty of something. Watch out in Shropshire!

Vinophile Café just opened in Palm Springs and it's charming 🍷🌴 Natural wines, artisanal coffee, fresh food – all curated by a certified sommelier. #PalmSprings #PalmSpringsEats #WineBar #LocalFavorites

⚠️HOW? Craziest Car THEFT EVER⚠️ #newcars #antitheft #carsecurity #newtech #thematrixnetwork

So glad this movie is coming out! Coyote vs Acme trailer released! #coyotevsacme #looneytunes #wileycoyote

Läuterung des Xavier #Naidoo im April 2022? „Ich habe erkannt, auf welchen Irrwegen ich mich teilweise befunden habe. Und dass ich in den letzten Jahren viele Fehler gemacht habe“. Naidoo heute in #Berlin über »Menschenfresser« und »Kannibalismus«.

Between The Buried And Me shows you what they keep in their tour bus fridge! #btbam #digitaltourbus #businvaders #tourbus #tourlife

J’étais persuadé que la propagandiste de Poutine en France, protégée par Bolloré, Xenia Fedorova, était journaliste de profession. Mais apparemment, même pas. Donc, on veut savoir qui a filé une carte de séjour de 10 ans à cette propagandiste, et sous quelles conditions ?

Are you still using PDFs as your lead magnet in 2026? Why I'm switching to quizzes 1 They convert higher 2 I get to understand my clients better 3 End user gets a curated answer My Markteting Scorecard gives diagnostic & roadmap. So I am seeing which ai can do it better. Claude VS Gemini

Data thinks that is very funny! 😆

Dogs after anesthesia 😂

The Sunset looked cool. Subscribe you filthy animals!

Happy Easter! Nothing says “He is Risen” like promising death to your enemies. Obviously the most Christian President we've ever seen. #Easter #USA #ChristianValues #PeaceOnEarth #StraitOfHormuz #Irony #FolkMusic #NoWar

Losing to fear and hate isn't the way!

Best of All the Worlds Chorus 2 The world is not binary, there is no us and them. There are so many shades, so many shades of every color and complexity. You can dabble in them all to find your place and get the best of all the worlds. #nonbinary #bestofbothworlds #songwriter #folkpunk #falsechoices

The Philly accent is the most beautiful sound in the world, and Tina Fey nails it @MentosUSA Original post

#WVPrayer26 Join us in lifting up the ministries serving across Asia. Your prayers make a difference as we support those sharing real hope in this region.

Peach Wins Peach Circuit 'Mario Kart: Super Circuit' Game Boy Advance

Follow me on the only NOT FAKE NEWS MEDIA Not censored by government TWITTER x.com/georgevos

🗣Your sweetness is my weakness.... I post for the people who wore the shoes The Good Girls are wearing.....